Still Here, Still Singing

For the first time in years, I went to a baseball game yesterday. Anyone who knows me knows that I adore baseball, but I hadn’t been to a live game in what feels like forever. So when I saw that the Double-A team here in Chattanooga was playing on the Fourth of July (with fireworks afterward!), it felt like the perfect way to spend the holiday. Even if, honestly, I wasn’t sure there was much to celebrate this year.

I grabbed my mandatory dog and beer and found a seat under the hot Southern sky. It was sweltering, but also invigorating, to be back in a ballpark. But my excitement waned under that unrelenting sun, and I grew homesick for home and my beloved Fenway… it all felt so melancholy. Maybe I shouldn’t be here, I thought…

Then the announcer asked everyone to rise for the national anthem.

Like most Americans, I’ve heard The Star-Spangled Banner a gazillion times. But at a ball park, it always gets me. The hush that falls over the stadium, the caps off, the voices rising together, the flag waving in the breeze… it chokes me up every time.

This time, something felt different. Because as the those familiar notes filled the air and people around me placed their hands over hearts, I didn’t feel the usual swell of pride. I felt profound sadness.

There’s so much happening right now. The anger. The division. The cruelty. Rights we thought were solid are being chipped away. Truth and accountability seem to be unraveling. People who don’t fit into someone’s narrow version of “American” are being demonized, rounded up, and excommunicated. The threats feel closer every day.

Standing there among thousands of voices singing in unison, my heart cracked wide open under the weight of it all.

But I kept singing. And as the words came, I felt like I was hearing them for the first time.

This song is about a battle – a real one, with cannons and smoke and fear, and the desperate hope that something as fragile as a flag, and what it stood for, might still be there when morning came.

“O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave…”

For me, that line wasn’t a celebration – it was a question. Almost a prayer. Would it still be there after all this?

It was.
And, hopefully, it still will be…

At that moment, the song sang to ME, not just about patriotism in the easy times, but about survival in the hardest ones. About a nation holding on by a thread, and still choosing to proudly raise that flag when the smoke clears. It’s about resilience. Courage. And the belief that we are worth fighting for.

Even, and especially, when the night feels sooooooo fucking long.

It was a good game: tight score, extra innings, and a walk-off win. By the time the fireworks started, I found myself wondering… Maybe this is what we need to cling to: these moments of joy and connection amidst all this fuckery. And a song that reminds us of who we are. Not to mention the simple act of showing up, even when things feel all too heavy.

Maybe, after all this, that’s worth celebrating too.

Sing on, my friends. We are worth it.