I Have to Go Now

This morning I was talking on the phone with friend who was at work when she was interrupted by a coworker who came screaming into her office. Knowing that ours was not a work-related call, my friend abruptly ended our conversation, hurrying me off the phone with a terse yet totally expected, ‘I have to go now.’

I have to go now…
How de rigueur. How predictable. How freaking boring.

Really, if you want to stop people from boldly marching into your office during work hours with work-related… well, work, smack in the middle of a completely unnecessary yet fairly important phone call with your friend (I mean we were discussing when you were coming up for drinks and all, for crap’s sake), you need to be more creative.

For example, select a line from this list to interject prior to ‘I have to go now,’ and make sure that the interruptor can plainly hear you. The resulting confusion will send them spreading your ‘news’ to their work pals, which means they’ll be too busy for work. And that means they won’t be bothering you with their work-related interruptions.

As an added bonus, you can laugh ’til you pee your pants when it’s finally discovered that what they think they heard you say is, in fact, complete bullshit:

I warned you not steal his lunch from the fridge – and now, just look at that rash!

There we were, in the third-floor conference room for our weekly threesome, when all of a sudden…

I’m sorry, I need to conclude this prayer meeting early…

No, really, I saw her in the lady’s room: completely BALD under that wig!

And she told them those cookies were for charity when all along she’s been taking that money and…

You’ll know if you made the cut when you receive the memo, that’s all I can say…

So the only way we could get out of that meeting was to pull the fire alarm and wait until everyone left…

I’m telling you: they track everything – even whether you wash your hands afterwards!

There she was, sitting in on my presentation with her hands all over his…

How the fuck did you get your hands on that official DoD stationery?

No shit! He’s been sleeping in Dave’s office for almost three years and no one knows except the cleaning staff, whom he bribes with tequila…

Have you seen her new tattoo? Honestly, how drunk do you have to get before it doesn’t hurt there??

His secretary told me last month: there’s no coffee in that thermos!

You don’t know? That manufacturing division is total bullshit! It’s just a secret front for…

Have fun – and let me know how it goes.

I really do have to go now…