I’m on Facebook a lot. An embarrassingly absurd amount of time. If it’s during daylight on a weekday, the chances are good I’m there. It’s a bit awkward, actually: my friends and family probably wonder why I’ve chosen to spend so much of my life in the vast wasteland that Facebook (and the Internet in general) can often be. That’s my fault, though: I seldom mention that part of my job involves monitoring posts and responses for a few corporate clients throughout the week. And I figure if I’m on Facebook for them, I may as well log onto my page as well…
But I admit that if I didn’t have any job-related reason to be on Facebook, I’d still be spending a goodly portion of my free time there, as I have grown a delicious community of diverse, fun, interesting and loving friends, whom I really feel are my friends. When I log on, it’s like walking into a virtual kitchen with the biggest kickass table (the retro 50’s kind, you know) and a few hundred chairs, all occupied by my coffee-drinking, jammie-wearing friends, each ready to chat about and listen to everything and nothing. We laugh, we cry, we rant, we recite brilliant poetry, we share stories, photos, artwork, videos and links. And to much of it, I post my share of comments. But these days I’m more inclined to think before I click on that LIKE button.
That’s because, lots of times, it doesn’t seem appropriate to LIKE what a person says… especially when it’s sad or anger-ridden. And like countless others, I have often hoped that Facebook would change the name of the LIKE button.
But to what?
Maybe to something more along the lines of I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. Which is a bit lengthy, but it would apply to most flavors of messages like What a gorgeous, sunny day, or This video of a four-year-old mooning those Franciscan nuns sure made me spew my Ni-Quil. But it wouldn’t apply to every post, such as Be right back – I’m off to Guns R Us for more ammo or Good news: Aunt Gertie finally passed that gallstone and we’re entering it in the County Fair.
You can’t change LIKE to APPLAUSE, since you sure wouldn’t want to clap to a post that reads Mom lost her kidney last week in that horrible polka accident, and you would hardly click on a button called LOVE when someone writes I hate it when the rats move my furniture while I’m out buying new socks. (Although, to be honest, I would be inclined to click on a LOVE button for that last post…)
Maybe the problem isn’t that the button is labeled LIKE. Maybe it’s that there’s only one button that’s responsible for covering all scenarios and flavors of posts. I really think Facebook needs to add more options, in addition to LIKE.
So, dear Facebook, here are my suggestions:
- YOU ARE SO RIGHT!
- YOU’RE A COMEDIC GENIUS!
- I WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILD
- LET’S MEET UP AND GET STINKING SILLY TOGETHER
- CUTE
- THAT’S NICE
- SORRY TO HEAR THAT
- I DON’T NECESSARILY AGREE
- THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF
- YOU POOR BASTARD
- LET’S CALL THE COPS ON THOSE ASSHOLES
- YAWN
- HERE’S A PITY ‘LIKE’ FOR YA
- I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR POLITICAL RANT
- YOU REALLY NEED TO GO OUT AND BUY YOURSELF A LIFE
- THIS POST SET OFF MY BULLSHIT DETECTOR
- I ONLY LIKED YOU BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE MADE ME
- YANKEES SUCK*
- I’LL TAKE IDIOTS ON FACEBOOK FOR A THOUSAND, ALEX
- I HAVE JUST REMOVED YOU FROM MY WALL
* Personally, I would use it far more times than all the others combined.
Yup, I think that might just about cover anything… your thoughts?